More than a feeling, its a fact

It often takes a perfect day to realize things that were already true. That was Wednesday for me.

Its worth telling you that before and after Wednesday, I was no more loved than I was on that special day. Its just that reality finally set into my heart and was flush against my heart. I got it. I felt what was already true. I was blessed...

I'm calling Wednesday one of my all time favorite days in Tuscaloosa, and may I be as bold to say that it likely is one of my all time favorite days. Heres why.

I woke up that morning and headed to CBS, community bible study. I've been a part of CBS for 3 years now, richly blessed by a diverse group of women from different backgrounds and ages. I love that we can come together with one common bond, Jesus and Jesus alone. I might be the only one who shows up at CBS with just a few hours of sleep from being out late the night before with students, wearing converse shoes and often breaking the mold of a 'southern woman' but I've never felt out of place. I've been welcomed and included. You see, when you spend your minutes seeking after Jesus you have no time to judge those around you who might not look like you. For that I'm thankful, thankful those around me have 'fixed their eyes on Jesus' and not on me.

I knew my core group wanted to 'honor me' that morning, but unsure what that would look like. It was a month brunch and all the women had brought their wedding pictures--my heart melted. As we settled in and got our brunch, Elaine explained that everyone wanted to share a special verse that has been the foundation for each woman in the marriage. Some were in the form of advice, others encouragement, maybe hope--its was a sincerely sweet moment. I sat and listened as each woman gave me a glimpse into their love story, with both their groom and their Groom. It was intimate and humbling they would care for me that much to share that with me. Trust me, I fought tears as well as I could (thankful I was wearing glasses to mask the emotion).

When all was said in done, I thanked them. My words were nothing, but I wanted them to know just how significant those moments were to me. All along the way, I've gotten 'wedding advice.' Do this, don't do that, make sure you breathe, be sure to take candid pictures....etc etc etc...I don't care...etc etc etc....wedding advice is nice, and I appreciate that people care enough to tell me things, but my focus has always been the marriage. I tell people over and over that we aren't focused on planning the wedding, we are focused on the marriage. So to have these women speak wisdom into my future marriage was oh so sweet! I captured those words in my heart forever. They gave me much to imitate in them, I'm forever thankful.

I thought we were about to start the lesson, when Kathy put a gift on my lap--seriously?? You have done enough I was thinking! I pulled out two beautiful silver pieces, one platter and one bowl. You know what I thought (and glad I didn't verbalize haha) 'This is the nicest thing I've ever owned, I don't deserve this' I've thought a lot about that thought. Its the gospel. I didn't deserve any of that--nothing they gave me I deserved or was entitled to, but was move with gratitude for such generosity. The beauty of the gift will serve as a constant reminder of that group and the gift they were to me. I'm so thankful.

That was the morning, which is only half the story.

I spent the afternoon with a few students (love love love) and then had some great minutes at home. It was much needed time for me to process all that had already happened and how grateful I was! I knew what was coming that night. Rachel, Alana, Allison, and Catherine (my staff team and a student) were throwing me a shower with all the girls I've discipled.

I headed over and on the way over there, literally thought to myself 'take it all in--God is good, see what He has done in the last 4 years.' The night was wonderful. They had such great desserts and adorable decorations. We hung out and talked for a while before opening some great gifts. Really?? These sweet girls were more than generous to give to D and I--we don't deserve that nor did they have to do that. I felt so blessed and honored.

After I finished opening everything, I was thinking, ok its over. Then Rachel handed me a basket of pink hearts filled with words. She explained that the girls had written out prayers for D and I's marriage. Its like my heart exploded at that minute, I'm just glad my eyes didn't show it, just not yet! They each read them out loud--praying for our future, our family, our faith--that we would follow Jesus, have fun together, keep learning, trust each other, still be invested in the Kingdom, keep short accounts with each other, love well and choose love, and the list goes on. Each prayer was special, because it had the fingerprint of that girl and what made it special was it was from a girl I've invested my life into. I can hardly tell you the love I felt as I heard my disciple read aloud something she was praying for me. I've watched them grow up, some for a year and some for 4 years. I didn't deserve that moment but will forever thank God He gave it to me.

To make it even better, after they read their written prayers, they actually prayed. Thats when I lost it. All the emotion that was welling up inside just came out and tears poured out as I heard the voices I've come to love commune with the Father on my behalf. It was a sweet sound and the love I felt was finally realizing that I am loved. I always have been. Its not that I doubted that really, its just that I don't need moments like that to assure me that I'm loved, and loved well. Love went from being more than a feeling, its a fact.

The night wrapped up and I headed home. Home with a heart of thanksgiving. With most things, I fear this attitude will fade and I'll go back to 'normal' where I forget just how great I have it. I pray not. I pray to always remember. Maybe thats why Scripture calls us to remember, tell, remember, record, remember, recount all He has done for you. I want to be a child that remembers, and remembers well. Because one thing I know right now, He has done much. I'm thankful.

Blessings.