Finally

Finally, although I'm hesitant to write that. Today is finally here--well of course it is. That saying really doesn't even make sense. Really, the day that I see D is finally here!

He is currently in route to the States and will arrive in Newark at about 545. That was our original flight together. From there he will take a quick flight to Pittsburgh where I will be waiting at 10pm. Tonight can't come soon enough.

The last 10 days have been loaded. I hardly know how to describe them. I've rarely felt like I did were I could care less about being somewhere just wishing I was somewhere else. I suppose it was and is part of the grieving process.

It was hard to let go of not only being in EA with D, but being there with the Vision Trip. For the last 2 months, it feels like thats all I've done is VT stuff. Its such a details trip to organize. Of course it wasn't as bad doing it knowing I was going too. Now that I stayed behind there is this bit of frustration in me--we'll call it human--that wishes I could take back all that time. That was my first reaction. But then the more I think about it, the more I count it a joy to serve them (the students) in a way that I too will not gain. I rarely, if ever, do that. I hardly ever do something strictly for someone else if there is not something in it for me. It reminded me that I want to do that more often. I want my life to reflect service for others and not service for myself. One expands the kingdom and the other minimizes it. I struggled (and still do) to give up that I don't have the memories with the students. I wasn't there with them to try to Corner for the first time...to see the crowds of beautiful faces stare right into their eyes...I missed hearing their heart lifted up in prayer. I'll have to hear it all second handed. From the first day I started working on this trip, I began to pray that anyone that went would be a vision caster and clear in communicating what they have seen. I had no idea I would be the beneficiary of that. God is faithful. 

So in a few hours, I'll make the drive over to Pittsburgh. To ease my hurt, I might shop around for a few super bowl items, that seems fair right? Then the much awaited arrival at ten. Counting down the minutes at this point!! I never thought the day would come where if I Daryl and I talked in the day,  I could just say 'see you later' but I guess I could get used to that!!