I invite the unexpected

Its never what you expected. Thats life in my shoes. Thats life. Thats the life of a follower of Christ. The unexpected comes and the 'norm' becomes so distant. 

You guessed it, I've had a change of plans. As I write, I can't help but to think about where I would be, had the unexpected not happened. I would be 4 hours into my flight to East Asia. But, I'm not a high roller who can afford internet at a high cost and high altitude, so I write to you from the comfort of my bed. The place I have been for a good part of the last 36 hours. Its just not what I was expecting. 

Much anticipation surrounded my departure to EA. I was thrilled to be wrapped in the arms of my guy as he hugged me for the first time as a couple. I couldn't wait to see the innocent faces I had met this summer and thought I may never see again. To go to hole in the wall restaurants I once judged but now crave. I was longing to walk the streets of the city and the paths of campus, talking and praying and hoping. I could go on, but its hard to. All my anticipation will wait. 

The short story. Sunday night I played in a softball game which led to back pain, which led to immobility, which led to fear, phone calls, and more pain. Monday morning I was sitting the doctors office for tests and exams, to find out hours later as I was leaving at 4 that I have some serious problems. With pain in both my back and legs, I'm at too much of a risk to travel, let alone be in EA. I was advised to not go. Then I talked to my mom, who affirmed I should stay. Liz and Jeff said the same thing (staff team) and D told me not to come. They all agreed, that my health long term is far more important than short term feelings of wanting to be together. Everything in me was screaming 'youre fine, just go' yet I heard a soft whisper of peace that said 'its ok to stay. You let no one down in staying and its for your good. I love you' Those moments are enough to sustain you.

So I stayed. I wrestled throughout the night...awaking in pain and thoughts of 'this is when I would get up' 'this is when I would board' etc. All day I have pictured myself on an airplane, going through customs, being greeted my 'him.' But I'm here and thats all just an idea, at least for now. Its not how you expected it to be.

In the short time I've been thinking about it--which has been the whole time since everything happened--I've come to believe more and more that God does have a perfect plan that far exceeds mine. There are obvious pains and obvious blessings in this change of plans. I'm most encouraged because I see Jesus. I know that He is in this and knew that on 3/8 I would play softball, that night would have pain, 3/9 would be told to stay, and 3/10 I would still be here. He also knew that all the while, He would be pursuing me, loving me, comforting me, holding me, and reminding me that He is for me. He knew I would need that. 

The lyrics of a song keep running through my head. This semester especially, I feel like I've sung it almost every week at Crusade and church. Maybe not that much, but sure seems like a lot. At the end of the song, the lyrics say "all things work together for my good" It makes me think, do I believe that when I say it, sing it, or do I just say it because they are the words that flash on a powerpoint slide every week?? Does my heart align with the words in Romans 8. When at the last minute the thing you look forward to most is taken away, do I believe that all things work together for my good? And if I answer yes, am I ok with how they worked out? Knowing, trusting, believing that Our Father is glorified in the situation. 

I assure you, I've been emotional. I cry a lot and have been upset, disappointed, frustrated, hurting and the list goes on. But I invite the unexpected. I invite the pain. It helps me see Jesus more and thats what I want. 

I bet when the disciples where walking with Jesus day in and day out, they thought they knew it all and knew what would happen. Jesus would have this great ministry for years to come. Then, he is hanging on a tree, dying for the world to see, for the world to save. I suspect that was the unexpected. Perhaps its in the moments we least expect that God moves. We are most vulnerable and broken. Jesus invited the unexpected, He invited the pain.

My prayer in this is that I would seek and follow Him, seeing Him all the more clearly in this unexpected situation.