You see, I came to faith as a freshman in college and began to walk with Jesus there. Its a wonderful place to begin the faith journey, as I was surrounded by others who were growing in their faith and striving to be more like Jesus. Not only that, but I had plenty of opportunities to grow. Perhaps I had TOO MANY opportunities to grow. Any night of the week I could go somewhere to study the bible or worship with others. Thats a good thing I know, but it doesn't force a young believer to figure things out much on their own and make their faith their own. As I learned that skill, I grew more and more.
Then I graduated and went into full time ministry, where I not only was surrounded by these same events, I was the organizer of them. We often joke that we are the 'professional Christians,' which I hate, but it can sometimes be true. I can walk the walk and talk the talk, but can I connect the dots to my heart??? My week was still full of Christian activities, for better or for worse, and my life was a surrounding of good faithful men and women.
I loved it. I'd be lying if I said anything other than that.
In April, I moved to Atlanta and took a new role, where I'm no longer going to Bible studies and weekly meetings and on campus sharing my faith. My job is much more removed from the 'front lines' of ministry. Its making ME walk with Jesus ON MY OWN. I can't rely on the events of a ministry or the teaching of a sermon to grow. I must rely on the discipline of going to the Word to drink deeply, processing in a journal, crying out in prayer, and being still before our maker. I'm finally seeing the trust of 1 John 2:27--I don't need all the extras to keep walking with God--in fact I think they confuse me more--I just need the simplicity of the faith and the grace of the Holy Spirit.
One cool thing has happened in these 6 months that I'm loving. Because I got so used to being at weekly meetings and worship gatherings, I think my heart grew somewhat cold to praising God. Its sad, but true. Now, each Sunday morning, I crave going to church. I can't wait to arrive at 10:15 and gather with people I hardly know (yet) to sing to a God I'm getting to know all over again. And I kid you not, each week I've been moved to tears. The way I used to be. When I was a new believer in college, each week I learned something new, I left in tears because of the goodness of God. I was amazed. Somewhere along the way I lost that and just became complacent with everything. Now from time to time things move me...or worship gets to me when I come back from overseas....But now, each week I've just been amazed at the love of Jesus.
I guess when you have less, you appreciate more. Its a beautiful thing. If we were called back onto campus and were surrounded with more worship meetings and gatherings, I'd be excited about that too. Its just because this is the first time its been taken away that I've been able to see so clearly how much I'd taken advantage of having it....
Blessings
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