Unanswered Prayers

Welcome into my moment of vulnerability. I'm being completely serious in this post, although you might think I'm joking.

As the story goes, I really wrecked my jaw a few years ago. I feel like I've told the story on here 100 times, so I'll spare you and stick to the basics. After two surgeries and no relief, I was left with a choice.

A third surgery or chronic pain from here on out. This was Jan 2009.

Seems like an easy pick right, just have the surgery and move on. It wasn't as easy as that. The surgery proves to be quite complex and expensive. It required braces and certainty of being here (literally)

After much prayer..and confession of my lack of faith, I committed to have the surgery. It was like signing day, signing my life away it felt like. I was agreeing to follow through with the surgery and all its cost, along with have braces and that whole deal.

Once it was all worked out, it was nearly April. On the 14 of April, I finished the process of getting my braces back on. I say back on, because in middle school and high school, I also had braces. The day they came off, I thought...finally, I'm free. Never again. No such luck.

April 14 ended up being a horrible day. Not only was I in pain, but I. Hated. My. Braces. You might think...oh, no one likes them, well I hated them.

I hated them because for the first time in my life, I saw that I swim in insecurities and all of the sudden, I seemed to be drowning. Jokes were my outlet, making fun of myself, but it didn't change the pain I felt inside. Almost overnight I went from being the one who 'doesn't care' to the one who is so aware of how I look. I just felt like my braces were the first thing people saw...and I hated it.

On the same day, April 14, I began to pray that God would allow me to get my braces off by the following summer--that would be like 13 months. The reason this was extreme was because I was told it would be a 24 month process, assuming it all went well. In that time, I'd had the surgery which would add to the time. Not. Good.

But when you first start praying for something, reality is trumped by faith and you dare to dream big. So I did..and I've faithfully prayed to that end. (I confess, its embarrassing to admit how much I've prayed for that and how little I pray for things of significance, but its true.)

As the year played out, surgery was delayed by insurance for two months. So what would have been a Nov surgery was bumped back to December, again not good for my braces. All the while, I was assigned to the East Asia summer project, so I knew the date I was praying for--May 14. So my prayer shifted a bit, to pray that I could get my braces off on or before May 14.

A few months ago, my doc told me they were doing exceptionally well and I was scheduled to get them off in October. Thats much sooner than anticipated, but I still had faith for May!

Monday was a doctor day for me. I knew this was my chance to ask for them to come off before I left for the summer (logic behind that is if they didn't come off in May, they likely wouldn't come off until fall because I'd be gone..) There I am laying the chair with my dentist hovering over me.

"I was wondering if there is any chance May." He knew what I was talking about. "Well, if we had a few more weeks, you could get them off, but your departure date is likely too early"

Its like the air had been punched out of me. Urggggg. I politely told him I'd continue to pray for a miracle, that my teeth would move quickly and safely, so I could get them off!

He chuckled. Understandably so, but you know, if God wanted that to happen, it could. You might be thinking, who the heck cares, why is it such a big deal and do you really think God can and would do that??

Its a big deal because I'm vain and yes, God can do all things. Not only that, but I think in this weird situation with me and the Father, I believe he would. Not because He has anything to prove to me, but because He wants to give us good gifts.

So, even after a disheartening appointment, I'm still praying. I'm praying that what I prayed in the beginning would still happen--that I'd be brace free May 15. At this point, I can't help but think that it looks like its going to be an unanswered prayer. If thats the case, no doubt God will teach me something through it. But just maybe its still unanswered so I keep crying out.

I'll keep you posted, either way. Hopefully it will be good news. But I'm realizing that good news to me isn't always what God sees as good. Sometimes what I see as bad (braces staying on) is actually good.

Blessings.