Just another week

This past weekend I was away in Eutaw Alabama for a Women's Retreat. It was wonderful, but wonderfully exhausting. It amazes me one weekends like that that I do what I do, because after being around people for about 4 hours, I was ready for 24 hours of alone time. But, it was a sweet time in fellowship with my dear sisters. Esther Burroughs was in tune to the Holy Spirit and speaking directly from the heart. I took away many wonderful things from her talk and left feeling urgently challenged. Here are two things I wrote over the weekend--nothing special.

This first thing is more about what happened to me from the week leading up to the weekend:

Its just another week

And I'm just another person

Sickness becomes my battle

My bed becomes my home

I find way to the bathroom

And tissues find way to my face

Yet its just me

'How are you Miss Lehren?'

As if I'm just another chart

Just another drug to prescribe

Another patient to heal

I want compassion

Not being put off

But its just another week

I lay hurting in bed wishing I could go, move, work

Anything

Its a bicker with God

'I had plans this weekend'

'Plans to rest my sweet child'

Ughh...I...'

'To rest' He said

So my 'just another week turned into a frustration

My go go go became a halt

And I was still

And alone

Isolated at best

A text away from the world

Visitors came and went

Few and far between really

Health around the corner

Horrible to OK but not great

'Hows your week' someone asked

'Not the best' honesty spoke

Its just another week really

But it wasn't 

It wasn't just another week

I was in for a shake

In for a ride

Thursday I showed up at the Ferg

A weekly time with Jenn

My dear sweet friend

Who I've known forever now

Yet only for a few short months

Jennifer came from where my heart is

She calls China her home

We've been studying the Bible together

And she's seeking

And He's seeking her

She found a treasure

And He found a jewel

She realized she was sick

He offered perfect healing

'Christie I know I believe this' 

And the tears on my heart fell

My new sister has fallen

Fallen to the feet of Jesus

Fall in sweet surrender

"Lord I believe"

And she worshipped

She's thumbing through because she wants to know more

And then I get it

Its not just another week

It never was really

Because God was pursuing the sick

He was after me

He was after Jenn

Jesus wasn't willing to let the sick be sick

To let them sit as a dirty beggar blind from birth

To lay in bed isolated and alone

To feel limited by the weight of the world

He's more than that

Even on just another week. 

This second jot is something I wrote during a journaling time, so its even rougher than the first! It came out of something Esther said about pain leading to healing.

Pain of the pain

The sting of the dagger

The pierce of the night

Its the black of midnight

The darkness of deep

Hope on the horizon

Oh I know its coming

But the journey offered is a trial

Often lonely

And I can't do alone anymore

No more pain can I endure

But therapy demands a stretch

It calls me out of the boat 

Its calls me into the water

I'll walk no longer in comfort

But embrace the cut of pain

Trusting because I must

Entrusting my heat of brokenness 

The morning is coming

The sun will rise

Rain will fall to bring growth

Let it rain

Let the rain fall heavy

No one invites rain until they remember the rainbow

So send the rain

I want to the see green grass

Even if it means dead grass first

I'll invite the water

My fists are open

Pals are wide spread

Pain won't conquer me

Healing will

Healing is my conquer

Its my white flag

White flags are painful to the pride

They let the heart deepen in healing.