Every Tuesday night for the last few weeks I've been a part of a group meeting to plan a Women's Retreat for TCAT (my church). During our time together, we have been sharing about our life, hitting on five topics that have shaped us to who we are. I enjoy these kind of things--its a time to be known and know others. Plus, it always reveals something beneath the surface that is likely still a struggle; an emotion that is still fresh and real.
My struggle, and even frustration, comes in when I share the details of my past. It often feels like the 'past' is now defining me. Shaping me, sure. But defining me is totally different. Particularly the things I've suffered in, the moments of deep heartache and pain, great despair and loss, sickness and the end. I can't help but to think back to specific events or times in which pity has crept in. Its not as much the battle of self pity, but the pity of others. Perhaps thats worse. Because to them I was no longer Christie, but rather 'the girl who suffered from...' or 'the one who was going through this...' Talk about taking on a new identity.
Avoiding it is just as bad though. We'd often rather talk about the big game this weekend or the new outfit we just bought instead of the reality we are facing.
So I guess I don't have an answer, nor a question really. It just seems to be hard.
The events, struggles, victories, and heartaches shall never be that which defines me. 5 some years ago that all changed when Christ grabbed my life and said he won't ever let me go. He now defines me. All those other things merely become the details that are my story, shaping who I become in what is defining me. A Christ follower.
No comments:
Post a Comment