Sweet whisper of grace

I feel anxious about a lot right now. Thats not a pretty statement to say the least. "Be anxious for nothing," I claim. They are words of Paul to the Philippians. He continues, "but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests  be made known to God."

As anxiety continues to creep in and I had to take time to sit down and think about what is causing me to feel anxious. The sick part is its a lot. My schedule, time, relationships, jaw, responsibilities, future, ministry, struggles, should I continue? Its not that all is bad with all those things--not at all. Its just that one thing leads to another. As my schedule begins to become more cramped and I have less and less time I'm finding that my relationships are taking a hit and the cycle continues. 

The most fresh situation is my jaw. I was looking forward to the day when I wouldn't have to write about the pain that is my mouth. For anyone that has had a jaw problem, you understand what I'm talking about. It literally hurts to eat, laugh, talk, yawn, and sometimes just be. Its a joint you use so frequently that if it is not well, its miserable. 11 months after surgery, its still not well. I'm half sick of telling people about it because I feel like I should be better by now, but I'm not. Its still having problems and thats frustrating. 

The thought of having this on going problem makes me sick to my stomach. The thought of going through surgery again makes me wanna get sick. I hardly know what to expect but the situation seems present and the timing dreadful. It just feels like I should be over this...beyond the same old point, past combatting the same thing. 

I'm reminded of myself. Its as if God is whispering to me "Do you get it? Do you hear me? Do you see that you're not above things? Until you're on the other side of things, you're not better than things or exempt? Keep combatting. Keep fighting. I will never leave you. I will never abandon you, ever, but its going to be a war. Things will keep coming up that will frustrate you." I've need those words in the sweet whisper of grace. I need the sound of truth, the heart of love. It calms my anxiety. It doesn't fix things or clear my schedule by any means but it reminds me that without Christ, I am nothing. I try all too often to be without Christ and may it never be.