You're not here so you can leave

Often, I feel as if I'm tested. Put into situations where I think to myself 'you've gotta be kidding...' or something along those lines. It just feels as if all too often things don't work out or situations are conveniently complicated. 

Recent examples fill my mind and I can't help but think there is more than this. Now, I can assure you, I know all the right answers. I know there is more than this imperfect world we call life..and far more than the relationships we so heavily rely on. So why then, if thats the case, do I, and others, allow those things to make or break me. They just aren't "it" 

I mean, here I am, in Atlanta for my fall break. There are about a half dozen other places I could have been or people I could have seen, but I'm here and with who I'm with. What started as a small group has become an individual as plans quickly changed mid weekend. 

This morning I got up early to get out of the house to drive around and process a little bit. The Lord impressed a phrase on my heart; "you're not here so you can leave." My thought process was, 'yea thats great, but try sharing that with all the people in my life who I feel like keep leaving. Not everyone is 'leaving' but they sure aren't coming.' I was ignorant to the fact that God had that in mind for me. He was speaking to me, I just had to be in tuned to when...

My sister and I got ready and headed to Hudson for a day of college football. Its a pretty normal day for a Saturday in October. Everything was going great until at one point in the day someone came after me verbally. Thats fine, I'm used to that. I mean, its pretty normal to ask someone what they do, and in the bar setting when you say anything about "campus ministry" "church" "missions" "...." you often catch some heat. I used to think I should avoid it and say I worked for a student organizations at a university, not the full truth, but not a lie. Then I realized I don't have anything to be ashamed of. Jesus says we will take some heat. I'm willing to take it. But today, in the moment, I felt belittled, inferior, attacked, insignificant, .... I wanted to leave. "Why are you here???" I thought. Why are you sitting at a bar, with few people that are sober. Why are you in Atlanta, in a place where you can hardly meet up with your friends and some are straight ignoring you, the ones you came with have left you, and its just hard soil. Why are you here?? 

Timing is everything. I remembered the sweet time I had in the car this morning. The time when God spoke words into my heart that I thought were for others..."You're not here so you can leave" It was as if God was saying 'people here are just as worth your time. This place is worth being in. You're not superior or better than anyone here just because your life looks cleaned up. Everyone is messed up. I don't love you because you're 'cleaned up' because you're not. I love you because I love you. So be here and don't leave. Be patient and find grace here, and be grace here.'    These thoughts ran through my head, and I stayed. I stayed comforted and enjoyed the night. Knowing that Christ is King, Heaven is home, and one day none of these thoughts will matter. Because when you know all those things, and believe them, it doesn't matter that all those circumstances are happening--it will never alter the truth.